Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Late-night's top hosts used their evening criticizing President Donald Trump's recently unveiled immigration program, dubbed the "gold card," portraying it as a obvious cash-for-residency arrangement for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Take

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas song about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, before handing that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... ruins each thing he handles."

The focus was the new plan which enables international nationals to purchase U.S. legal status for an investment of one million dollars, with a "premium" tier for $5 million. An official website guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick thought here to wealthy foreigners: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the card is also meant to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, involving hefty payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get two free nights at a property of your choosing – if it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"The most thorough background check the U.S. government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow rich international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings amid economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a bid to tackle prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative media coverage of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.