Those Advice from My Father Which Helped Me when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was just just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mothers and about PND, less is said about the challenges fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a larger reluctance to communicate among men, who continue to absorb damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to ask for a respite - going on a short trip away, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a family member, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, staying active and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their experiences, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, altered how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I believe my role is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."